This is no big secret: your words and deeds convey who you are. Human communication and behavior drop into three essential groupings: Passiveness; Aggressiveness; Assertiveness.
Passiveness is an unwillingness or incapacity to confidently communicate what you think and feel. Decades back, our society rewarded women for being passive and men for being aggressive. Now as more and more women express their trepidation in the workplace, this is shifting.
Aggressive communication, whether direct or indirect, outcomes in a put-down of the other person, making her feel offended, defensive and mortified. Aggressive behavior fails to take the other person’s aims or feelings into consideration. Only the aggressor’s goals are satisfied. This often spawns bitterness and aggravation that later returns as opposition and rebellion. Recall a time when someone chose aggressive communication at the expense of another person. Now imagine how would you feel about approaching such a person? Aggression bullies, humiliate and shames another person.
Assertiveness poses an alternative to the extremes of passiveness and aggressiveness. It demands confidence in articulate what you think, feel and believe, defending your rights while respecting the rights of others. Assertion finds power in respect: respect for yourself and for the other person. People have a tendency to cooperate when they are approached or advised in a way that respects the requirements of both parties. Assertive communication often allows both persons to attain their desires.
The next time you feel small and want to cower, just remember you have a choice. You can choose to be steamrollered. Or you can choose to get what you want.
Joseph Plazo is a renowned success coach. He teaches NLP techniques and negotiation skills while helping people find great jobs in the Philippines [http://www.jobcentralasia.com].